Band 6.5 – Environment

by englishteacher

IELTS WRITING CORRECTION

TASK 2

When writing your essay, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Essay correction

As your writing task was supplied in handwritten format, we go through the essay and detail all mistakes below. It is suggested that you print your images and write the corrections or suggestions on to your printed documentation, thus making it easier for you to understand.

If you do have the time to send a MS Word or text document with typed test, you will find the correction easier to follow. We are always willing to answer any questions you may have.

PLEASE REFER TO THE IMAGE DOCUMENT THAT YOU ORIGINALLY SENT

 

Writing answer

Introduction

  • You should not mention any examples in the introduction

Paragraph one

  • No mistakes but you need to join more sentences for a better coherence. The example given is a clarification of the mentioned point and not a clear example of something happened to someone

Paragraph two

  • In this essay, you are discussing factors and solutions which are two points of discussion. Each one should be written in only one paragraph even if you have more than one factory. You should discuss causes in on e paragraph, then methods to tackle the problem in another paragraph

 

Closing paragraph

  • Environment (spelling)

 

 

Personalised tips for your next essay

To improve your score, you need to:

  • Your letter is not well organized and you need to check your structure
  • Revise to avoid simple mistakes
  • Give clear examples to clarify your points
  • Use a better variety of tenses, especially advanced ones, for a better grammar score
  • Use more linking words to enhance your coherence

 

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

Estimated Band: 6.5

 

Task achievement(6.5)

  • addresses the requirements of the task
  • presents an overview with information appropriately Selected
  • presents a purpose that is generally clear; there may be inconsistencies in tone
  • presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate

 

Coherence and cohesion(6.5)

  • arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
  • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
  • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

 

Lexical resources(6.5)

  • uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
  • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

 

Grammatical range(6.5)

  • uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

General tips to help improve your score

Task response

  • Pay attention to all issues in the essay question
  • Write about the issues rather than on the general topic
  • Answer the essay questions with more relevant main points
  • Plan your supporting points so they do not go off topic
  • Give reasons and examples to support your answer
  • Write over 250 words

Coherence and cohesion

  • Write around four or five paragraphs. It is not preferable to write more or less
  • Your body paragraphs should be two or three
  • Develop every paragraph by giving a mother statement, paraphrase it and give an example
  • Each paragraph should include only one idea
  • Use a wide range of linking words
  • Make sure that you understand the meanings and usage of linking words

Lexical resources

  • Make sure that you have a good knowledge of English collocations
  • Use correct prepositions related to the English Language and not to your translation from your own mother tongue
  • Use a wide variety of vocabulary
  • Make sure your words are well spelled
  • Avoid using informal language
  • Use a good quality of vocabulary (indispensable is better than important)

Grammatical range and accuracy

  • Use different grammatical rules, including tenses, conditionals, passive voice, ……….. etc.
  • Pay attention to your word order
  • Use a range of sentence structure
  • Make sure that your articles and plural forms are correct

 

 

A sample answer

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action.

Pollution becomes a major concern in society all over the world. In the society, not only an individual but also groups of people live. In society, it is everyone’s responsibility to protect the environment. Environmental problems caused by pollution, for example, fuel gases, cutting of trees, gases released by factories. The government should take responsibility to reduce pollution in order to protect the environment.

Every individual who is leaving in the society should take responsibility to participate in protecting the environment. Firstly, people should grow trees in their houses, premises and colonies. By growing trees there are huge advantages, for example, most of the polluted gases took over by trees and they release the oxygen. Everyone should not throw the wastages on the roads, maintain a healthy environment by using the dustbins.

At the same time if we consider the government’s role: the government have authority to protect the environment. By planting the trees all over the places, for example, all government places, besides the roads, schools, and parks etc., what I know this type of programme called clean and green environment. Thus the pollution can be controlled.  Cleanliness is very important to maintain a healthy environment, hence government should emphasise the cleaners to clean the area thoroughly. Should place the dustbin every street and educate the individuals by advertisements. Inspect the houses every month to check how the individuals maintain their houses so that the individuals reflect themselves and self-correct themselves. Conduct environmental talks in the school, that individual learns everything from childhood onwards in the school.

I believed that it is every individual’s responsibility to solve the environmental problems, however, impossible for only one individual in the society. So that government should take actions to solve the environmental problems but encourage every individual to takes part all those activities.

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